Shoot.Stuff.

SUMMER SOUNDZZZ

2010-06-30T16:30:00.001-04:00

I think Mad Decent is gonna provide the soundtrack to 2010! nothing but goood stuffs.
Please dont forget to hit stop on the music player on the bottom of the bloggie! Enjoy!

Bosco Delrey-Evil Lives by maddecent

Boy 8-Bit - Bulbs burn out ( Obi Blanche Remix)
Boy 8-Bit-Bulbs Burn Out (Obi Blanche Remix) by maddecent

love and passion do pay off in the end

2010-03-23T19:58:00.006-04:00

Apartment Flowers.
Luvallie.
My Dad in Hawaii.

I'm sure you can all tell by now how much I love Polaroid film. I just received an email update from the "impossible Project" that all the hard work, passion and love that went into the original "save Polaroid" project has come to a HAPPY ending. The fight for Polaroid's extinction was SUCESSFUL!

"You will learn all the details about Impossible's new film and its purchase availabilities in another Newsletter scheduled for this week. For now - celebrate, enjoy and view all the informative eye candy online." - The Impossible Project

YAY!!!! my Heart is singing!

here is a link to my original post 2 years ago.

http://pandahead-shootsstuff.blogspot.com/2008/02/polaroids-are-root-of-my-love-of.html

HOORAYY!!!!

Fight for what you love and it will pay off in the end.

Music is love.

2010-03-20T02:20:00.003-04:00

I don't have the words to explain how this song makes me feel...but it looks like someone else has explained it perfectly..

"This particular song evokes so many things in me. I will try to put words to them…When I shut down feeling to avoid pain, I also miss out on beauty, love, gratitude. The song makes me feel again. It puts me in a place that is in the very center of myself. It makes me breathe. It melts away all the illusions of life and for the moments the melody rises and falls, only simple truth is left. It makes me remember I am a dancer, by moving my spirit so much it moves my body despite the cage I’ve put my art in. It flows through me like the sweetest, kindest breeze against my skin. It embodies the essence of what I want the child growing in my womb to always remember, to always know. That indescribable connection to something beyond this world. That thing that has no words, no explanation. The thing music in it’s highest form has the humble honor of being able to communicate.

Esthero, thank you for being a part of my journey by sharing yours. Thank you for reminding me by not forgetting. Thank you for leading by example, for being yourself, so I could find myself here listening to this, healing, loving, and “in joy” ing life." - Natty B

this song has given me the bravery to use my voice again, to feel again.... 2010, i'm ready.

I urge you to go to the link at the bottom and listen to it at www.estheroinprogress.com

i’m a black mermaid
from the bottom of the sea
i will teach you how to love me
into greatness i will lead you
’cause i’m a black mermaid
nothing rarer you will find
i am here for you to love me
i’ve been here for all o’ time

and i will wait for you to see me and to understand
that a woman can restore the soul of any broken man
if you can look beyond the waves and just believe in me…..
i am the lighthouse standing strong atop the rocks and sand

’cause i’m a black mermaid
from the bottom of the sea
i will teach you how to love me
into greatness i will lead you

and i’ve spent most of my life deep down inside myself
i’ve dreamt about the possibility of someone else
who could see the things i’ve seen and steal away with me
into the darkness we could fade because we know ourselves
and i’m his black mermaid
from the bottom of the sea
i will teach you how to love me
into greatness i will lead you
yeah i’m a black mermaid
from the bottom of the sea
i will teach you how to love me
into greatness i will lead you

and i’m his black mermaid
he thinks i’m beautiful
yeah i’m his black mermaid
he thinks i’m beautiful
i am beautiful

(All the dark horses and all the good men,
won’t you come put me back together again?)

i am beautiful.

http://estheroinprogress.com/?p=1012#comments

honesty

2010-01-12T03:14:00.002-05:00

2010 has arrived with an unrelenting force. Its been a great blessing to be surrounded with so much hope and anticipation of upcoming abundance. I am trying to keep a smile on my face and in my heart. Today was a day I couldn't help but be a little melancholy. The weather has proven to make it a little difficult to maintain my smile.

Most days I cannot help but be enthusiastic of whats to come. its only when i start to get a grasp of how much time really does zoom by at lightning speed and i can't help but feel a little consumed by it. I don't have the words (or bravery right) now to share what is really bothering me so instead what i really want to do is pray for strength. This is something that i have learned from 2009...life is always gonna happen. the pain, the laughter, the sorrow, the joy. all i can wish for is strength for the hard times and the ability to be present for the good.

I have been drowning myself in the sounds of some beautiful voices for therapy tonight. Esthero of course, zee avi and corrine bailey rae. There is something about all of their voices that slay me every single time. You can hear a sweet honesty there. Its calming.

Here is a couple links. don't forget to scroll down and stop the music player on the bottom.

P.S

I love you Lucas. You are my light. thank you for your love.

<3>

Baltimore is Beautiful.

2009-07-19T02:28:00.002-04:00

for my heterosexual life partner, crystal!

2009-06-09T23:17:00.002-04:00

my best friend crystal is like the magical rainbow sunshine panda in my life. hahaah
this one is for you hon!

The stars aligned for me PANDAHEAD is now known internationally!

2009-06-02T22:44:00.007-04:00

I originally posted a bloggie about this back in august 2008 about a contest i submitted my work to....

OG Post

I got home yesterday with an info notice from DHL and was 100% sure it was a letter from a creditor. I signed the info notice so that DHL can leave the package in my mailbox. I got home today and noticed a book was stuffed into my mailbox. It is a published FIRST EDITION of the photo catalog of a series that is called MAKE HISTORY.

I've spent a lot of time tonight screaming and crying with joy.

For some reason whenever I win something big I find out last minute! HAHAHA

The package came with a letter stating that my photo made the shortlist of 101 out of 16,109 entries. It has been in an international exhibit that has been touring Europe!

Please follow the link below:

Make History First Edition

it will provide you with more info and an awesome video of world renowned photo editors that made the decision. (go to 1:30 of the video and you will see my photo)

I am particularly honored to be a part of this series because I've always strived to capture honesty and real life and have always tried to tell a story; this series captures all the pain, joy, spunkiness and hope of 2008.

I urge you to pick up a camera and document the beauty around you. Make History is now accepting entries for it's second edition.

**special thanks to Molly for being such a good subject.

I heart esthero

2009-05-29T19:13:00.002-04:00

Shame on me for not listening to my favorite artist, hero, poet, lady in these recent months. I've come to realize how much her music is so much a part of me. I've been on the downlow for quite some time and am ready to start to share some of myself again more and more.

Ms. E has started a blog and it wooooonnnnnnnnnnddddderful!

http://estheroinprogress.com/

it has a mix of fashion, story telling, humor all the good shit.

My new favorite posting is of a section called Esthero Asks

and she sent her mom 15 questions. In this entry you can really see where Esthero gets her beauty and the gift of the written word from. amazing.

you can also check her out on

http://www.myspace.com/pinkpirate1

you can find some new trax she had been working on

And here:

www.nearlycivilized.com

Her name comes from Slyvia Path's "The Bell Jar" which was turned into a movie and the last line of the movie

the main character, "Esther" says ""If I am to be the hero, then I cannot fly from darkness."

I think that will be my inspiration for my next tattoo - just as reminder to my heart.

There are only a certain number of musicians that have a piece of my heart and a forever place in the history of me and she is definitely one of them.

p.s if anyone knows where i can find Esthero on Vinyl Let me know!

Sometimes I take life too seriously

2009-05-28T19:49:00.000-04:00

F'real f'real sometimes I take life too seriously so here are a few things that are like anti-depressants in my life or if you will like muthafuckin sunshine in my cloudy fuckin day!

1. Stumbleupon. seriously guys, if you haven't discovered this yet. do it to it! you can find a vast array of things from info on black holes, space and time travel, photography, amazing artists and sometimes just random ass things:

2. Poop stories.
do u really need a picture? nuff said.

3. ya know the obvious stuffs like Music (right now i'm in love with anything from Studio One or Mad Decent)Unicorns, pandas, Dinosaurs! playdough record players tee hee hee and Beagle Pups and delicous Vinyl and my crazy fiance lucas because he is soo strange and i fuckin love that about him. har har har

3. I saved the best for last. RuPaul's Drag race!!!
OOOOOOH EMMMMMM MUTHAFUCKIN GEEEEEE!
I can't decide on my favorite Queen. I love love love BEBE but then again Nina Flowers is sooo different and warm hearted yet so edgy and Ongina I love Shim because well he's a little Filipino boy that looks Fabulous! and if he were my friend i would steal his clothes!. ahhahahah my favoritest part is when Jade gets pointed out because he didn't "tuck" correctly and RuPaul Says, "there are still some mutha fuckin snakes on this Muthafuckin PLANE!"
to see it go to 6:13 on the video

More Gay & Lesbian Video At LogoOnline.com

I love the fact that Rupaul- as fabulous as he is! Is sooo real and has some great advice! YAY for Laughter and all things delicioulsy funny<3

if you can't tell i totally overused the word fuck in this bloggie. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

ZUMMMMBIEEEE

2009-05-28T19:25:00.000-04:00

gotta love that dancehall beat! Bump this shit!

Major Lazer and Andy Milonakis LOL

Major Lazer "Zumbie" ft. Andy Milonakis

Wayne

2009-05-15T21:20:00.000-04:00

I met wayne at my friend's girflfriend's birthday party. He was decked out head to toe in a fabulous outfit and is a wonderful songbird:)

this is from an impromptu shoot i did last night.

expect more soon.

Enjoy.

happy burrrfday to meee!

2009-05-11T23:15:00.000-04:00

hello fellow earthlings.

i made it to 25! my birthday was a magical one indeed. was just a little melancholy because i didn't get to see my twin. its particularly hard on my birthday because, well who else gets to share a birthday with you! 25 years ago on that very day my twin kicked me out of my mom's womb and here i am!

ahahaahah

I spent the day with three amazing individuals, jennifer moore - amazing dirt worshipping earth loving life force who always pushes me to follow my dreams. Nikki - kind and free spirited and lucas, my lover, my conquistador. it really made me think..wow i'm so blessed. To everyone in my life here in Baltimore...you really have made this place my home. You may not know this but you really are my East Coast Family. This year has been the year of growth. of asking myself the urgent questions that push me to not settle for anything less than butterflies. I find myself at a crossroads this birthday because although i am still young, i am getting closer to being the Woman that i envisioned myself to be and I really had to ask myself, am I getting there? we'll see:)

I am happy to know that i am surrounded by a family that i have created for myself in my home, my new city called Baltimore they dream for me, they know what i need, they push me never to settle and venture with me. Thank you thank you thank you everyone for all your birthday wishes. I love you.

1st stop was the DC record fair: I picked up 20 records

for 20 bucks. can't beat that right?

a little flying lotus. miles. al green, del, nina, african drums, bob marley, murs, hall and oates.Cat power, a ton of jazz classics. a mixed bag really...

then to the Maine ave docks for the best seafood ever ever ever...

sorry jas i had to post it..she went to joe's crabshack. HA!

then back to our home in baltimore for ice cream cake and rockband.

what a magical magical day.

**updates

2009-05-08T06:36:00.001-04:00

I seriously seriously need to get better at this.

here is some photos of my bestie's recent trip to Bmore.

YAY!

2009-04-27T19:27:00.000-04:00

Checkedy checkdy check it out!

http://e.blip.tv/scripts/flash/showplayer.swf?showplayerpath=http%3A%2F%2Fblip.tv/scripts/flash/showplayer.swf&feedurl=http%3A//thefader.blip.tv/rss/flash&enablejs=true&file=http%3A%2F%2Fblip.tv/rss/flash/1919542&tabType2=guide&tabType1=details&tabTitle1=About&tabType3=none&allowm4v=true

also! check out the article about diplo in the recent issue of NYLON. YESSSS!

***

2009-04-11T23:24:00.000-04:00

"be yourself. Always."

I'm Awake.

2009-04-09T03:40:00.000-04:00

it's been forever. Time Flyssssss. So many things so many memories. Here are a few for now. NYC feb 2009
let me also preface this by saying I've always dreamed of taking photos in New York City. These photos will always hold the memory of my first photo-venture in that amazing city.

click on thumbnails:)

I love daft punk

2009-03-11T18:59:00.000-04:00

why i love my future father in law

2009-01-27T19:59:00.000-05:00

Frederick Ive-isms

"remember..the path to sucess is GREASED with bullshit."
"be good...if you can't be safe.:)"
"it wouldn't be a good dinner conversation without talking about bowel movements and POOP!!!"
i love him dearly:)

I <3 Mad Decent

2008-11-16T12:49:00.000-05:00

http://ax.itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/browserRedirect?url=itms%253A%252F%252Fax.itunes.apple.com%252FWebObjects%252FMZStore.woa%252Fwa%252FviewAlbum%253Fid%253D295830712%2526s%253D143441

check this single out guys! it KNOCKS its free for only a week so grab it fast

and then next week!

HOLLLERRRRR

October Steez

2008-10-26T17:41:00.000-04:00

this month has been so hectic for me but it a great way. I love what October brings every year; colors and festivals and magical weather.

that being said i have been blessed to have gone to many celebrations this past month or so. with the combination of festivals and enjoying the weather and leaves changing color, I have rejoined the work force which has left me in quite a zombie-like-state but I have been very happy and productive this October. Below are some shots from 2 recent photo shoots I have done with Ole - a good friend who I met at lifetouch. and Joseph Bradley who I work with. I decided I need to broaden my horizons and continue to shoot people and learn how to be a better photographer and blogger for that matter lol. so i decided to shoot guys...which i don't do often. but i think they turned out great and each were a blast to work with.

Have a safe Halloween everyone!

i'm gonna be a nun! hahahaha I love that movie!

The magical thing called MAD DECENT

2008-10-01T18:52:00.000-04:00

SOOO i just joined the Mad Decent Street Team!
I am so happy I could do a flippin cartwheel.
if ya know what's good, check out www.maddecent.com AND www.maddecent.com/blog

also the flyers below! - i know they are cut off because blogger is a lil weird but if you click on the flyers you can view them a lil better:)
To me it's the best thing that Maryland has to offer next to the blue crabs, ya heard?!
Mad Mashups, mixtapes and the best beats.
for example....
MIA and santogold = great revolutionary artists.
MIA, Santogold w/ DIPLO = CRAZY DELICIOUS!

check em out the flyers to see when MAD DECENT will be in a town near you:)
& to be on a lil bit of a deeper level, Discovering Mad Decent and all of the magical music that comes from them has
made me appreciate my move to Baltimore SOO much more. now, i can REPRESENT! the great things that Baltimore has to offer
MAD DECENT being #1.

and oh oh!
here is a pic of the last day of artscape and guess who was playing.. DIPLO!

yay!

ohweeee. Motown TIME!

2008-08-28T02:02:00.000-04:00

**please don't forget to turn off the music on the bottom of this page before listening to the videos below:)

Here is something that I just discovered and i think it is magical.

I LA LA LA LOVE Marvin Gaye. Look at those stunnaz! He definitely one of the 1st, a trailblazer. I think he sings the National Anthem soo well because its the same octave as that one note in Sexual healing...you know when he goes, BAAAAAAAAAAABYYYYYYY! I can't take it much longer... HAHAHAHA Yay! Marvin Gaye!

Here is another video I absolutely adore. I heard Nina Simone sing "Backlash Blues" for the 1st time about a year ago. I was watching her performance at the Montreux Jazz Festival. I was taken aback by how radical her performance was. She sang about the same bullshit of today and it was eerie to see history repeating itself. The video isn't from Montreux I can't find that anywhere! It was on comcast last time...its incredible what kind of stuff they put on comcast.

on another note. check out jazmine sullivan. She is a new artist that is dabbling into a little bit of that ol skool sound, I think it has the warmth that a lot of modern music lacks. Enjoy:)

Self Portrait

2008-08-21T02:55:00.000-04:00

I decided I want to switch out the background photo. I think I'm going to frequently do this.
The photo that I changed it to is a scanned self portrait that I did when I was in high school.
I remember taking this with a film camera *gasp* that my grandpa gave me. I was happy with
the result and promised myself this will be the photo I will use in my opening of my 1st
gallery in New York City. I still want to make that happen:)
Friends, amazing people and things... keep checking back. you may be my muse/inspiration/
or pretty thang I might want to put up.

***so this is late

2008-08-20T06:46:00.001-04:00

I don't know why its taken me this long to post this... So about 2 months ago i found out my entries into a contest called make history --an international contest...won! and today i found out another one was accepted as an entry so 5 of my photos have been selected. i'm elated. and I really hope you will all be able to see it published in many different international magazines.i'm happy to show my work in an honest way. sometimes i find it hard to categorize my photography but this contest seemed significant. I want people to know the sense of urgency in my work. its not just cause it looks good. there are real stories behind them. and hopefully stories that will mark this turbulent time we are in. Just like in that movie 1 giant leap. we are bombarded with a lot of imagery in today's society...mc donalds. nike. michael jordon...fuckin sean puffy combs *bastard
"so I'm in the business of showing other dominate cultural images as well. and saying hey. let's not forget about these things because they are who WE are."
yayayaya. lately in my journey i've found that truth is what I need.
can i get an amen? :)
but seriously..

City folk***

2008-08-06T00:55:00.000-04:00

An old friend from Valley, Megan Matthias contacted me 6 months ago about her friend who is in the peacecorp with her in St. Lucia.

She has gotten accepted for her graduate studies at The University of Maryland Baltimore. She is finally in town to look for a place to stay in Mt Vernon and has also brought along her folk-singing boyfriend and their super cool tortoise named stella. They are staying with us until they find a place. We took em around town and shared an Ethiopian meal at Dukem (the same restaurant down the street from Azizah in DC that she raves about) We went around fells point and looked for a bar to sit and have a beer at and got to know each other a lil better. They are a blessing to be around and its honestly a breath of fresh air to know people like Jennifer and Aj. Super Chill, into the Arts and have great things to say. Jennifer and I even share the same passion for things needing to change in our world and how living more simply could help with that. I even got to share with her some info on Baltimore's "Slow Food Revolution." that is definitely something that makes me proud of Baltimore. I'd even say they are two people that are living proof, if you follow your heart--it will take you places. Tonight we had the blessing to hear AJ play in our living room over a bottle of authentic Spiced rum from St. Lucia. It was the first time I wanted to taste the alcohol straight no chaser.We all were sipping carefully from our tea cups. AJ says it reminds him of Christmas and as soon as me and lucas put it to our lips we smiled and said "CHRISTMAS!" It was so flavorful and such a treat to have being that I hadnt ever planned on tasting authentic rum unless I visited the islands myself. so this was a REAL treat for us. here are some photos that i took from tonite. definitely a memory that i will keep forever. it was absolutely magical. Jennifer even told their story and how she fell in love with AJ when he was on tour with his first album. I finally mustered up the courage to ask them if they listened to Ani Difranco without sounding cliché but Aj mentioned that he used to share a pad with Tom Sickafoose, Ani's bassist and that Jennifer loves Ani. It was a great night. it is certainly an experience that has made me love my move to Baltimore that much more. oooh! and I soo have a video of the AJ singing but I gotta figure out how to get it off my phone. ** the song was about San Francisco and it was awesome. Cheers to new friends!

sacramento

2008-07-11T06:36:00.000-04:00

before you hit play

please go to bottom of pageto turn off music from my playlist. sorry! these are some shots i took from my latest trip back to the city of trees. enjoy!

boo hoo the perils of the unemployed.......

2008-07-09T12:06:00.000-04:00

okay. so my arch enemy being unemployed...is not not having money
its not "the man" it is actually Billy FUCKIN Mays.

**dude isn't that such a gnarly picture! whoa man.
i always have trouble sleeping and i think unemployment intensifies it.
yesterday i even had quite an eventful day! I woke up butt crack early to
take an assessment test for Verizon Wireless. I think I did okay. Me and lucas then went to the historic Federal Hill to get bagels and found this amazing furniture boutique. He took me home. I chillaxed then we went back to the neighborhood when we got home to try for the first time Maryland steamed crabs. it was incredible. I cut my finger cause got DOWN on them crabs. it was delicious.

We went back to light street and checked out American Apparel. picked up a racer back tank and vintage red striped tube socks. checked out doggie style and got Jerry a doggie toothbrush and an adorable polo shirt
we have a friend that lives in federal hill and we were chatting about how lucky she is to live in such a great neighborhood and how fabulous her house is...and then we ran into her! anyways we ended up hookin up and got super drunk off of mimosas
got home...pooooooooped and drunk. and 3am i wake up nand couldnt go back to sleep cuz i woke up to fuckin BILLY MAYS screaming I CAN GIVE YOU AFFORDABLE INSURANCE!
***insurance? fuckin insurance?
not orange glo. not the face shaving thing. not the hercules hook or that damn magic putty. he is selling fuckin insurance! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and screamin about it.
yes yes i know tv rots your brain. especially billy mays!
on another note...tv is still very entertaining hahahaha
i am home right now watching the marathon of project runway season 1. makes me want to learn how to sew and make my own shit. i get in these weird moods when it comes to fashion. I want to create and i totally love clothes but at the same time it can be a circus. and models. fuckin models are just ridiculous to me. there was this one part on the very first show that the models were walking trying to show the designers how they look like and its like. are you serious? so Jay (season 1 winner) was like a breath of fresh air with his humor. Particularly when Jay was dressed like Jesus! i think we have the same humor. lol
ahhhhhhhhhhhh save me from myself!

proof if you put your whole heart into anything...

2008-07-06T07:13:00.000-04:00

This is proof that if you put your whole heart into anything that you do... you will be successful.

I never really liked "bleeding love" by leona lewis but this clip from so you think you can dance really got me teary eyed. matter of fact i get teary eyed every time i watch it. enjoy

So you think you can dance-bleeding love

on another note...i just got back from california. It was my third trip back since I have lived in maryland. I think Jerome's comment on the frequency of my trips has really allowed me to open up my eyes on my emotional state and how i have been dealing with my homesick-ness and how being away from my family is driving me crazy. but at the same time I need to realize that moving away, starting a new life and exploring what the world can really give you holds a lot of weight in the grand scheme of things. I need to remember how brave I really am. I think I just let fear get the best of me. in this week alone i have experienced 4th of July on the East coast. I think back west its just a show. fireworks, bbq...but being in the east coast and living only 5 minutes from where the Star Spangled Banner was written has really allowed me to fully enjoy the 4th and remember how great it is to be American. How all these things -- my culture, my passions, my beliefs, my life is only possible because i live in such a great country filled with possibility. today,I promise myself after being depressed for a month (traumatic past + having no work will do that to you) I will give 100 percent of my heart to whatever I feel is right. No more being scared. No more being guarded. I need to be myself again. yeah...kinda went off on a tangent there but it does tie into the video. like I said, putting all of your heart and all of your emotion into something will give you a happy and fulfilling life. will give you true success. hahah no more auto pilot. so here i come, Baltimore, full force! watch out now:)

for my grandpa

2008-06-13T04:05:00.000-04:00

I saw you in a dream last night. It was so colorful and vivid,detailed.

It was in front of our old house in Valley Hi. The whole family came out of the house in awe to find this thing you had built us. We knew it was from you because we felt you there. It was this 'thing' that looked like a display of all of the memories you shared with us. I remember walking to this one part of the exhibition like object and finding a large book made out of wood. inside it was all of the drawings and pieces of homework me and jasmine had shared with you. i held it to my chest and i could smell you. a mixture of your hair tonic and old books. I could feel happiness in this place. I remember looking over to my mom and it was like she was a child again. she was so happy. There were all these bobbles and things there that she would nag at you about when you were alive and we all stood there, smiling, remembering you. I think the thing that made us the most happy is that being there made us remember you. Made us think of you. You see, its been exactly 5 years since you have been gone. I still think about you. Fathers day and mother's day because you were both to me growing up. your birthday and how on your grave it says your birthday is on october 25 but you always told me that it really is october 17th but because you were from the old country people would often get that mixed up. May 31st. the day you passed away and how I was the last person you spoke to. You waited for me. You were mentioning to me that you were *blessed* to have lived so long to see your great grandchildren, noah and brenden. How you came to realize this because grandma and granpa told you so

(they had passed away many years prior)

I offered to bring you filipino food and asked if the pain was worse than the last time you were in the hospital. I remember clearly, when i said,excitedly I will bring you Bopis. You said to me, Bopis? and smiled big. I kissed you on the forehead and looked you in your eyes, and said, I love you grandpa. You looked at me and simply said I love you, too.

The next day, I had a dream of you smiling. it was simply your face, and you were smiling. I went to work and received a phone call from janelle who said, come to the hospital. I knew deep down you were gone, but I didn't want to believe. I arrived at the hosptial to our whole family crying. We were all in shock. and I still think we all are. It will never go away.

This dream of you was a bit confusing to me at first. You were here with us again. We were all there with you as you showed us that you haven't forgotten us either. I woke up and kept very still as if you were in the room. It felt that real.

I finally let it all settle and came to realize that 'thing' you showed us is maybe a glimpse inside your heart. inside your heaven and how you are keeping our memories and our love alive there with you.

If only I knew what I know now. I would tell you thank you. I think what our culture lacks, what our society lacks is to remember to teach our children how to be good people. never mind what you become, what your occupation is. but how to live an honest life, how to respect one another. How to love and provide for people. Granpa, you never were extravagant. You were a hard-working,kind,honest man. You were the strongest person i knew. You showed me love. I am the woman I am today because of you. Because you simply just were you. I miss you and I love you always. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope I can make you proud. I hope one day. just like my dream, we will all be together.

oh wow

2008-05-21T20:30:00.000-04:00

i am not an american idol fan follower at all but i am a sucker. i mean, i literally melt if someone can sing. so seeing this performance made me cry a little bit. i hope he wins.:)

the latest and greatest

2008-05-18T03:26:00.000-04:00

here are the latest and greatest from the last 2 months.

Create a Free Slideshow

** this is my first time using this thing. Here are the two shots that got cut off:( sorry!

p.s i finally fixed it! no more steeeewpid music.

yay!

2008-05-16T13:41:00.001-04:00

my cali trip was crazy!
good food, good friends. i don't think there was a sober moment. honestly. I kept on singing the hook to that one tupac song, " califORnia knows how to paarrty. lalala
sacramento is truly a beautiful place. I was at my bbq and thought to myself: there are so many different types of people here. we can have a thugged out pimp or a emo girl from downtown at my party and there would be no drama. and Sacramento is the only place in the world where it aint no thang!:) as long as we are nice and appreciate the food.

cheers to pandas!

yay!

2008-04-05T15:25:00.001-04:00

beautiful.

2008-03-28T23:00:00.000-04:00

so my homesick-ness has reached an all time high. Jojo shared this with me. Her name is Yael Naim. She sings in Hebrew and French. She is the singer from the Mac Air advertisement. This song is called Far Far. Jo said that it reminded her of us. I started to tear up over the phone because it really pulled some heart strings. and it feels good to know i am never without her.

** here are the lyrics

far far, there's this little girl
she was praying for something to happen to her
everyday she writes words and more words
just to speak out the thoughts that keep floating inside
and she's strong when the dreams come cos' they
take her, cover her, they are all over
the reality looks far now, but don't go

how can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside
how can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside
oh oh oh oh

far far, there's this little girl
she was praying for something good to happen to her
from time to time there're colors and shapes
dazeling her eyes, tickeling her hands
they invent her a new world with
oil skies and aquarel rivers
but don't you run away already
please don't go oh oh

how can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside
how an you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside
take a deep breath and dive
there's a beautiful mess inside
how can you stay outside?
There's a beautiful mess
beautiful mess inside

oh beautiful, beautiful

far far there's this little girl
she was praying for something big to happen to her
every night she ears beautiful strange music
it's everywhere there's nowhere to hide
but if it fades she begs
"oh lord don't take it from me, don't take it yourselves"

i guess i'll have to give it birth
to give it birth
i guess, i guess, i guess i have to give it birth
i guess i have to, have to give it birth
there's a beautiful mess inside and it's everywhere

so shake it yourself now deep inside
deeper than you ever dared
deeper than you ever dared
there's a beautiful mess inside
beautiful mess inside

hustle**

2008-03-25T13:45:00.000-04:00

I love how someone who can inspire has the creative spiritual power to demand someones attention, can keep a room quiet with open ears and concerned eyes.there is so much shouting now a days. so many people demanding your attention...screaming look at me! look at me! I wanna be inspired...not screamed at. there is something about todays world that i have grown tired of.Specifically my generation. We think we can put on a set of clothes and wear a certain hat and like a certain thing. and all of a sudden we are a certain way. Am I being too general?
let me be more specific. A big reason why I have left california..is this exact reason. who are our new heros? Kate Moss and Lindsay Lohan? A lot of folks my age think that if you quote De La Soul, and throw on some stunners and an adidas track jacket accompanied by a bedouin head scarf around your neck. you're all good. you're hip hop. your cool. just like Lauren said, people put dreads in your hair and they forget the pain and struggle and metaphor that dreadlocks represent. I think its totally fine and beautiful to embrace another's culture but let's be real here. sometimes it just looks down right empty and superficial. The bedouin scarf for example...there are thousands of Iraqis and Palestinians in the warpath with the same scarves on them. and we wear them as a fashion statement. I just want to be inspired by good people that are r e a l. and responsible. socially responsible.
i don't want to know people who are chasing money...chasin the limelight. chasin the image. whatver happened to real SOUL.been round too many of those folks chasin the superficial. Now that I am out here in the East I am looking for truefriendship. so i am forcing my self to be more selective. I want to open my mind more and I believe if i ask the universe for this...it will be granted.
above is an ani difranco piece that i play to myself whenever i feel alone or feel uninspired. there is such a sense of urgency in her face and in her voice that resonates with authenticity. It seeps out her pores.
I wanna be round folks like that. people with a sense of urgency for whats real and whats good and really needs to be talked about.

**okay i'll stop now. just gotta get that off my chest.

oh yeah!

2008-03-19T00:55:00.000-04:00

i am going to start a log of all the fabulous things lucas has said in his sleep. I know this is a little weird but some of the thing he has said have been outrageous! Just now he said

the trombomican banana

I said, whaaa?

the trombmican banana is a tiger that separates the democrats and republicans.

then i asked him to repeat himself. He did. and I said to him,

" what does that mean?"

he says, stop making fun of me. we both start laughing.

HAHAHAHA!

p.s here are some recents shots of mine.

Polaroids are the root of my love of Photography

2008-02-28T20:12:00.000-05:00

Polaroids mean more to me as a photographer than anything else.

Polaroids are the memories and stories of how my family was growing up. Hiding in my Mom's closet, I would go through her boxes of polaroids and would revel in all the beautiful pictures of her and my family back home. I found out that my Mom was a teacher in Hawaii and that was one of her first jobs in America. I learned through these photographs that she is a pioneer teacher for the Bilingual program in Hawaii.**which now is a huge program that adds to the colorful quilt that is Hawaii.

Polaroids mean a lot to me because I also learned through these incredible pictures what the world was like through my parents eyes of when they first made their big move to America.

So it saddens me deeply that Polaroid will be discontinuing the production of instant film. I always have though of polaroids as the first "digital camera."

You get an instant shot. or what i like to call "instalove"

Whoever is reading this. please keep this legacy alive.

above are some of my favorite findings of mine. the first ofe is of Jojo when she was a baby. oooh the bowl cut<3

the second one is Waikiki where my Dad used to work when he first came to Hawaii.

and the last one is of my dad. aint
he pimpin! How can we no longer have polaroids!:( its like taking a huge part of history away.

***wowza

2008-02-25T22:53:00.000-05:00

I check my families myspaces' regularly. it keeps me connected. I recently visited my sisters site and came across this photo. I left my other Dslr with her because I know how, although not very vocal about it, she is passionate about photography and she is really good.

The photo above is probably one of my most favorite shots ever. its soo beautiful. and its of SACRAMENTO! I miss the colors. and crusin around with good music.:)

I picked up some books today. I have been feeling really inspired lately.

here is my selection:

Letters to a Young Poet - Rainer Maria Rilke

Scattered Poems- Jack Kerouac

Insecure at Last - Eve Ensler

I want to curl into a corner with a comfy blanket and hide in these books for the next couple of mornings. that will be my plans for the weekend.

and to take my mamiya for a spin.

i miss you jojo!

just an after thought

2008-02-24T22:22:00.000-05:00

i just cleaned out the inbox from my cellphone. It looks like i hold onto these little sweet notes from my loved ones back home.

I hold onto them when I am down so I can still feel connected to you guys.

i just got one from jfo and she said, I'm starting to notice little bits of you in jas. like the way she'll laugh or say something sometimes. I think its just cuz im thinkin of u.

from hasanah

Ur my bestest friend. I was crying on the plane because I am so grateful to have u in my life. The dude next to me asked me if I was okay i was sobbing so much.

fuck I miss u crazy girls. jasum especially. it hurts so much to be away from your crazy unicorn ass.

muahahaha

sometimes i wonder if I will ever meet new friends out here that I hold as dear as the ones back in cali.

i was so frustrated with my light set earlier that I decided to mess with my mamiya that has been having issues with focusing back to infinity. But with enough angst and determination I FIXED IT!

so my postings will now include medium format...YEAH! I think i need to start taking more portraits/shots of my new city anyways.

ahh man:(

2008-02-24T19:44:00.000-05:00

i was soo excited to come home and mess with my studio lights now that everything has settled down. I finally am getting the hang of my new job. I am getting used to maryland and getting familiar with the streets and where to go. I even took a little trip to target and ikea to treat our new place with plenty of nice things.(I'll post pics when we are all done**

I got my softbox out. Broke out with my old mamiya trl and guess what. my POWER PACK isn't working!!!! Ahhhhh AND novatron is closed until tomorrow. I hate when things like this happens. I want answers right away so i can get to work. i think its my OCD/ADD. fuck!

anyways. above is a cute pic of what our room looks like so far.

we even buckled down and got a coool lamp that looks like a futuristic lotus. sooo sweet.

Me and lucas spent the weekend indulging. we also bought "No Reservations"

It made me dream about how I still really would like to open a restaurant. Food and the art of it is something that will always make me glow. We had a lot of interesting conversations in our slightly beer buzzed stupor. Life, the HISTORIC ELECTION. Love, our future. This year is about putting all goals into play. I got to thinking about my family back home. Because previously, my sisters have always been a part of my plans. every victory or failure I would celebrate or laugh off with a wonderful meal. soo i asked him, How do you move on? How do you move on from missing them soo much? I told him, its like Its something that i cannot wrap my head around. Living my life without my sisters is like living a whole new life completely. and I can't see my future without them. I don't want to forget how they look like, or how they are. Especially how weird and funny they are**But I also feel if i don't let go, my pain from missing them will never subside. hopefully one of these days i'll figure it out. I can't wait til May. It is my birthday month. The sun will be shining AND it will be a good time to visit back home or THEY can visit me. stinkers.

have a good week everybody:)<3

peace and blessings.

jamie

*****YES WE CAN

2008-02-10T13:43:00.000-05:00

this is so inspiring.

i dont know how to embed it. yikes

but please, loved ones, check this out. this is history in the

making. me and lucas feel the same. Mr. Barack Obama touches our hearts. He will be the leader that will bring forth a better world.**

www.yeswecansong.com

blaHHHH

2008-02-09T20:55:00.000-05:00

what a tiring day/week! but i must say i am honored to have a job like i do. the kids are beautiful and my co-workers are awesome.my new friend Bee - this totally cool chick took me to an asian market. I am not kidding, my heart sang with joy. I was in heaven. it felt good to find vegetables and snacks that i could get back home. I was almost convinced that I wouldn't be able to find a market like that. i know, i know- i was trippin. I am starting to understand that the move me and lucas made was not only brave. but HUGE. I don't think my co-workers know how truly appreciative i am of them and how they are making me feel like maryland is more like my home now. so thank you lifetouch:) jo, jerome, jas and hasanah i really miss you guys. you would love it out here.

p.s

above is a sneak preview of some of the photos i will be publishing this year.

enjoy guys

cheers

yeah for baltimore

2008-02-01T15:17:00.001-05:00

my local grocery is (safeway) in canton. I noticed there is a bakery called cakelove right on the corner...

It is suppose to open this month. so last night after picking up some stuffs i noticed a dready guy in the store setting up.

It was the guy from SUGAR RUSH on the food network. and automatically remembered he is from DC. wowza. sooo cool. I am learning to love this city more and more for its people, local home grown shops - less franchises and all the indiosyncrasies of this history filled city.<3

Happy Friday!

i just had to repost this

2008-01-31T22:29:00.001-05:00

this is an entry from my livejournal.

this is from when I went back home California.

*********

lets recap.
I flew to california on monday after 48 hours of cuddling in our snowed in townhouse.
my body is still shaking.
we just kept on looking at each other, thinking "god we are so in love"
not an infacuated love. not a dependent love. not the kind of love that happens because so much time has passed.
love that has weathered everything imaginable. we have worked so hard at "us"
and now its paying off.
there is something so romantic about moving to a new place and calling it "our city" we don't know anyone here but eachother....so everyday is an adventure and everyday is another thing to add to our repertoire.
in this month alone in baltimore i have encountered so many firsts.
first time truly away from my family
first time truly away from anything familar
firt time driving across the united states
first time in the east coast
first time in city snow
first time experiencing the smithsonian
first time seeing REAL LIFE pandas.
first time experiencing life outside of california ( trust me on this one. we are spoiled in everyway possible - the weather- the diversity-the space)
first time working AS a photographer.
first time realizing what true, real love is.

this is it. I have a real man that will always see me as his equal. he finds beauty in all the things i have been so insecure about. in a world where its always about race.
in a society where we are always chasing what "should be" beautiful. he finds the curve of my nose beautiful. the carmel color in my skin to be perfection. he considers the darkness of my eyes; the depth of my soul. Best of all, he sees me for who i am. not my race. not my age. he understands the nature of my womanhood - as turbulent and unruly as it may be. he sees me.
my heart sank a little as i walked towards the gate of my flight.

i guess you can say I have been out of my element witht his whole move. and just like every big change it gets you thinking and asking yourself the bigger questions. and yes, i did ask myself is this all worth it?
trying to get used to life without my family and trying to learn this new city.
one thing i have come across is the more east you go in the u.s the more our country really is white or black. there isn't an inbetween. I am filipino. therefore I am the inbetween.
this has left me very conflicted. You can cut through it with a knife the racial tensions are so thick.lucas being a white man. you can imagine that i have asked a lot of questions. had my doubts. and really have been angry about how there is such a huge difference in class and race in our country. my reaction was pure human nature and it can really get heavy on the heart. but the sun came out one day. and all of a sudden it was so clear. (no this isn't a metaphor - the sun really came out one day. its amazing what sunshine can do to a person:)
but this is the very essence of why our relationship is so beatiful. we have defied all the odds in matters of race, age, whatever. the REAL important thing here is love. He was the one that taught me this.
it is easier to for everyone to like what is familar and what is the same.But how does that ever allow anyone to grow as a person? how does does that allow us to grow as a society of people?
this has never been the case for us. and that makes me happy.
we have big plans for change this year. and we will continue to break down the barriers that so many people have put up.
it is the DIFFERNCES just as much as the similarities in eachother that give us so much chemistry . or as we like to say "so much love"
now, why can't this work for everybody else? who woulda known that it can all be so simple?
it can. and i think its this philosophy that will change the world and this disease called racism. Matter of fact, something that i have just agreed on is: the best thing that you can do for anything is give it hope, give it P O S S I B I L I T Y ---and that is what i am doing right now.

LOVE LOVE LOVE
*****ALL WE NEED IS LOVE*****

welcome

2008-01-11T22:57:00.000-05:00

Hello Everyone!

Welcome to my first bloggie.

this will be a combination of my photos and

daily rants.epiphanies. or random burts of insight.

enjoy.

p.s

" If at first, the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it"- albert einstein